HALF NUTS WAR CANDY

War Room food then and now, M&Ms Souffle, Dulce de Leche on buttered toast, fast and easy Raspberry Gratin,

“Half Nuts” is who took this photo. Completely nuts is when they are in a war room or soufflé.

But I am getting ahead of myself.

Now that drones have headed all over the world’s supply of much of its energy, it’s time to contemplate, however dreadful it is, what one should prepare to cook and eat if things get more dire.

Journalist Richard Clarke, talking about the White House folks in the previous crisis of 2014, was quoted in Newsweek saying “I know these people. They’ll do anything to get elected.”

Back then there was a photo of the “War Room.” On the table in front of our leader was what looked like several large bowls of M&M’s, plates of chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies, Carr’s Mixed Biscuits (read crackers), Coke in cans, water in plastic bottles, and one plastic cup for 12 people.

What astonished me the most?

That there is no cheese for these crackers, or that everyone found it just fine to drink out of the can or bottle in that stately war room as if they all were cruise-shippers on the boulevards of Cancun?

The power of all that sugar reminded me of some parents at a Cozumel Carnevale. While watching candies rain down on us from the generous hands of the revelers riding the floats, one commented to me over the din of the float music about how nerve-wracking it was to imagine thousands of children up all night in sugar-induced madness. Around here in Mexico it used to be the high priests who took drugs to get closer to the gods and, as leaders, to find out what they felt they needed to do.

The high priests of the war room now high on M&Ms sugar? High enough to think they might be a souffle? That sugar and chocolate are the brain foods they need. Maybe. But their boss might prefer a Quarter Pounder soufflé.

My hands trembled at the thought.

What is inside M&M’s to create this frenzy? Is it really chocolate? Itself a famous food for the brain and an inspiration all round. Not too much of that in the room, so I went to the website. If you have wonder what has happened to us as a culture, go there too. Dodging the temptation to sit on or wear M&M products, I went to the recipe file. There I found, under cookies, “Brand Baklava,” making me wonder about current allies. “Miracle Cookies” are perhaps closer to what the War Room group was looking for, since God knows, they need one. As for Drop Cookies: “They’ll drop into hungry hands faster than you can bake them.”

Though mercifully not from a plane.

But don’t knock M&M’s yet. They were born in war – the 1930’s Spanish Civil – and were a favorite, the website says, of GIs in World War II for melting in the mouth and not in the hand. When they weren’t chewing gum. Now at least one national political figure looks like someone for whom war would not melt in his mouth. So perhaps the cookies were for him and the candy for the others.

Chocolate is famous for its inspirational powers, and would anyone in those days after 9/11 have begrudged the War Room if it had sent a jet over to Paris – before we started pouring French chardonnay down the drains – to pick up some hot chocolate from Angelina’s on the Rue de Rivoli? At least it would have been served in a cup and saucer and not plastic.

There’s something soothing about fine bone china.

As for my war room food, let the plane be for eating. Land in St. Petersberg to pick up some Beluga caviar at Petrossian’s and put it on Putins’s account. The White House could have provided the English Muffins, and if not, the English will, delivered from The Dorchester afternoon tea. The Chinese embassy would have been not happy but willing to send over some Bird’s Nest Soup, and I can bear witness that my brain positively sings when I have the best of that dish. And it is a renewable resource, unlike the ultimate brain food: sharks’ fin soup. The belly of Bluefint tuna otoro with a dash of fresh horseradish, let alone a sip of the Japanese ambassador’s private stock of sake, might even have prevented further war.

But those dishes would have required asking our allies’ help in a way that they might have refused, so let’s go back to what was on the table.

Turn the cookies into a version of bread-and-butter pudding. All those eggs in the custard would have stimulated some part of the collective brains. Cover the crackers at least with some wonderful goat cheese and melt them into wonderfully warm and comforting food. After all, people have believed in the power of goats for centuries. And as for the M&M’s. If in doubt, make a soufflé.

Everyone is inspired by the polite lightness of them.

M&M’S Soufflé

I have not made one because I cannot choose which color to use. But let’s hope result would look something like this.

1/2 cup whole M&M’s

1/2 cup food processor-ground M&M’s

3 tablespoons salted butter

3 tablespoons all-purpose flour

1 ¼ cups warm milk

2 egg yolks

4 egg whites

2 tablespoons granulated sugar

Put half the M&M’s in a food processor and ‘grind’ them until in small pieces.

Place 2 tablespoons of the butter in a saucepan and melt over medium heat. Add the flour and cook, stirring, for one minute. Whisk in the milk and cook while whisking until the mixture has boiled and thickened. Remove from the heat and let cool until just warm. Add the whole M&M’s and the yolks and mix well. Let cool.

Beat the egg white until soft peak. Fold in half the ground candies. Fold the whites into the M&M mixture and put into a buttered and sugared soufflé dish. Cook in a water bath at 400 degrees for around 20 minutes or until the soufflé is puffed and set. Remove from the oven and sprinkle with the remaining ground up M&M’s.

Russian Raspberry Gratin

Before any mention of Russia, let alone it past marvelous cuisine, becomes forbidden, let’s talk at least of its gratin. No pun intended about le gratin which means “the upper crust” or “the elite” of society. Much scarcer than M&Ms. And none of them waging war.

Image: Pretty Plain Janes

This is one of those simple desserts that have far more impact than their few ingredients would seem to indicate. It is fast, easy, sinfully comforting and delicious.

1 pint raspberries

2 cups sour cream or crème fraiche

1 cup dark brown sugar, sieved

Serves 6

Heat the broiler.

Pick over the raspberries and remove any mildewed ones, husks, or leaves. Place the berries in a shallow baking dish. Stir the sour cream until smooth and spread over the berries. Sprinkle with the brown sugar. Broil until the sugar begins to bubble and lightly caramelize. Be careful not to burn the sugar. Serve more or less immediately.

Pudding

When we lived in a Sydney still plagued with war shortages, there were always cans of condensed milk on the shelves.

I used to eat it right from the can.

Image: The Spruce Eats

Or, as my first cooking class at age 6 taught me, to boil it still in the can.

Image: Appetizer, Dessert, Cocktail

And make what I though was caramel but now know, living in Mexico, is dulce de leche.

One 4-ounce can sweetened condensed milk

Do not open the can, but take off the label and put the can in a saucepan 4 inches deeper than the can is high. Pour water in the saucepan to cover the can by one inch. Bring the water to a boil, and continue simmering for two hours, adding water when necessary to keep the can covered in boiling water.

Take the can out and let cool before opening it.

Eat with a spoon right out of the can if you are a kid, and if an adult, think of something else to do with it, like making dulce de leche ice cream, or pour it over chocolate ice cream or, if you are a real genius like the late food world’s George Lang, use it to dip pretzels into. Salt and caramel. For me, slather it on hot buttered 1/2-inch thick white bread toast.

At any time, but certainly at midnight when the news has become to much.

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